The Adventures of the Plant Clint Bought at Target
by killbothtwins
Summary: Clint rage-bought a plant at Target. He enlists Kate and Lucky's help to take care of it. A few Avengers too. They're not great at it.
1. Chapter 1

Kate crossed her arms.

"You bought a plant."

Clint looked a mixture of proud of himself and ashamed.

"Yeah."

"A huge plant that you can barely pick up that's about as tall as Lucky."

"Yeah."

"And you bought this giant plant because...?"

Clint pouted.

"The lady in the store was judging me! She didn't think I could afford it."

Kate rubbed her forehead and wondered if the Avengers would help her bury Clint's body if it ended up with a couple of arrows in it. Probably. Natasha, at least.

"And exactly how much was this plant?"

"Uh, 300, give or take."

"Who pays 300 dollars for a plant? Who even wants a 300 dollar plant?"

Clint shrugged sheepishly.

"Plant collectors?"

Kate closed her eyes.

"Plant collectors?"

"Or people that just really like plants."

Lucky stood on his back paws and leaned the front ones against the counter to sniff at the new purchase curiously. Kate nudged him away with her foot. It could be poisonous, for all she knew.

"You can't keep a plant." She told him. "I'm surprised that you've managed to keep Lucky alive. Plants can't eat pizza."

"I know." Clint said mournfully. "I don't know what to do with it, though."

"Give it to Simone or something."

Kate told him, poking one of the leaves.

"I already tried. She doesn't want it."

Clint said, batting her hand away.

"Then just let it die. Throw it away or something."

"It cost 300 dollars, Kate. We can't just leave it."

"Well, I don't know, then."

He looked it up and down.

"Maybe we could just leave it on the doorstep of the Avengers mansion and run."

"JARVIS would rat you out."

Kate reminded him, hopping up to sit on the counter the plant was resting on.

"Ughh."

Clint groaned. He put his head down on the counter but misjudged and whacked himself in the face with a leaf.

Kate patted the plant.

"You know what? I'm starting to like this plant."

"You keep it, then."

Clint told her, muffled by being smushed into the counter.

"Nope." Said Kate cheerfully. "I'll pick you up some plant fertilizer or whatever it uses at the store tonight."

He made a hopeless little noise as she trotted towards the door.

"Bye!"

"Don't go to Target."

He said, pushing the plant away from him.

She grinned at him and closed the door behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

That Friday, when they sat down to watch the latest episode of Dog Cops together, Kate placed the plant on the couch next to her.

"Why?"

Asked Clint, glaring at it but doing nothing except moving it over so that he could fit.

"It's never seen Dog Cops before."

She explained. Lucky made a noise like doggy agreement and put his head on her lap. She scratched his ears.

"It's a plant. I don't think it's seen anything before."

Kate gave a teasing gasp, covering up two leaves on the sides where she assumed the ears might be if it had any.

He grumbled at her but settled and didn't say anything else in as the theme song started to play. She gave him a smug look.

* * *

><p>"Aww, Officer McBuddy, no."<p>

Kate and Clint said simultaneously as the show turned into commercials. That brave dog cop was going to get himself killed.

An advertisement for toothpaste started to play and Kate turned to Clint, shifting so that she was sitting crosslegged on the couch.

"What?"

He asked warily.

"It needs a name."

She told him.

"What does?"

"The plant."

"The plant needs a name?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"We can't keep calling it 'The Plant'. We don't even know what type of plant it is. I was thinking Planteye."

"That's dumb." Clint said. She frowned at him. "Hawkplant is much better."

She grinned and opened her mouth.

"Shh, it's back on!"

He quieted her.

"_No, McBuddy, you can't! I love you!"_

The TV sounded.

"I knew it!" Said Kate. "Captain Fluffy has been hinting it all season."

"More like since last season. Did you see how she looked at him when he had to go undercover at the dog show?"

_"I love you, too. But I have to do it. Goodbye."_

_"If you're going, I'm going with you."_

Lucky whined. Kate patted his head.

"Me too, buddy."


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Nat, can plants get sick?"

Natasha looked her partner like he was crazy.

"I don't know. Ask Stark or something."

He turned to go, then swiveled back without moving his feet.

"You don't want to know why I asked?"

"No."

Clint made a face at her.

"Okay, then. Bye Nat."

Natasha shook her head. Can plants get sick. There was something wrong with that man.

* * *

><p>"So, I asked Tony, and, well, he told me to futz off, but then I asked <em>Banner <em>and he told me that we probably just need to move it into the sunlight."

Kate jumped to her feet.

"Great! I was starting to worry about the little guy."

Lucky nudged one of the browning leaves with his nose sadly. Clint pushed him away gently and moved the plant by the window instead of on the table.

"Also, he said we should stop using orange juice instead of water."

"I told you that was a bad idea."

"You did not."

"Well, I should have."


End file.
